mumbai matinee

"Yeh Mumbai shahar hai, Mumbai, idhar koi kisi ke liye rukta nahin hai", said person 'x' seated in front of me in Best bus no. 505, Bandra to CBD Belapur, on being questioned by person 'y' as to why he (person 'x') foxily grabbed his (person y's) seat. Needless to say, a seat once taken in the aforesaid Mumbai shahar, will not be easily given up, be it in a bath-room or a bus. Person 'y' ofcourse, muttered something about the royal ways of 'x', upon which 'x' gave a kingly smile to his fellow passengers, and promptly let loose a spit-ball on the road below, thus marking his territory for all who dared to encroach upon it. Meanwhile 'y' went on ahead, hoping to find some place else to park his derriere.

Every now and then you come across certain people who impart the knowledge of the world to you, as though you were born just yesterday (or considering the said city we are talking about, as if you are from Alibag)? They will promptly inform you of the various ways of their city, in a sentence or two, leaving you to figure out the deep hidden meaning for yourself.

Another example: Linking Road, 5 p.m. Woman is busy bargaining for a pair of sandals, when the vendor shouts out to her "yeh Linking Road hai, koi chor bazaar nahin". Oh-kay... and what if haven't heard of this market of thieves? What then? If I'd have known of it I'd have gone there, no really, I would have. But the point is I don't, and thats why I'm coming here.

Now, these people are the ones who have seen it all happen before their very eyes, who have lived in this city ever since they can remember, who are the very essence of the city as much as the city is an essence of their very existence. (Vanilla though, I never like any other. ) Its kind of a symbiotic relationship. In other words, they make the city as the city makes them. Love it or hate it, you can't get far without meeting any such characters on any given day. Yes, it is irritating when you yourself are at the receiving end of such wisdom . But hear it being forced down someone else's throat, and its the funniest thing you've heard in a while.

I now leave you with another classic from the good old local train. 'X' and 'Y' (yeah those two again) are having a tiff at the entrance of their compartment, since 'X' claims that 'Y' is getting a bit too close for his (X's) comfort . 'Y' retaliates, and before you know it both are in the middle of a verbal volley. 15-0, 15-15, 30-15, 30-30, 40-30, DEUCE!!!, ADV 'X'. At this point, 'Y', becoming desperate to score, shouts "Tu kya kar lega?" A cardinal sin. Sensing his opportunity, 'X' moves in for the kill, and replies, "Karega kuch nahin, jab karega to pata chalega." Game, Set, Match 'X'.

P.S. - I have personally never understood the implications of that cracker of a retort, but, if you do, then might I say you are on the verge of becoming the quintessential Mumbaikar. Jai Maharashtra.